done with my feelings~

I'm done..

No more looking back..

I've deleted your msn, friendster, contact number, and also.

Your image in my mind.

I'll not think back of it again..

I don't deserve all these..

I'm sick of thinking all these..

I'm only a normal girl..

I can't lie to myself that I'm not sad at all..

I do..

Just the matter that..

I need to let go all one day..

And I'll choose to let go now..

Than bringing it to the future..

It will just make me more suffer and pain..

I don't wanna carry this burden with me anymore..

I knew I will break down surely..

But it's ok..

Everyone does break down..

But I know I will stand up again..

I surely will..

For the sake of myself..

I need to be strong..

I can't be like who was I in the past anymore..

Break down easily..

I'll need to be stronger now..

No one can I rely on now..

I'll just need to believe in myself and rely on my own..

I believe I will surely stand up by myself one day..

new start of my life~

I cried last night..

For something which I feel is stupid and are not worth for me to cried for..

I knew that..

But I still cry..

Was that mean.. I am stupid?

Cry for something which I knew was not worth for..

I tried not to think about it again..

But this tragedy kept appear in my mind..

It makes me can't stop thinking..

Maybe it was my fault..

Like he said..

I was the person who made him changed..

My fault..

Now not the problem of whatever..

Just the matter that I can't forget..

How hard I tried..

He's still in my mind.

I tried since this March..

I tried to use lots of ideas just to forget..

But in the end..

I failed..

And yah..

You told me you was not going to forget either..

But you did now..

I knew I does not care anymore..

just the I can't accept the fact that you will just forget a thing in just few days after you said will never forget..

And know is the best time for me to let go of everything..

Maybe it's good for me to let go..

I'll not carry this burden with me all the way to the future anymore..

Hooray..

Let go of everything!

Study study study!!

I will surely forget it one day..

I'll not let the past to control my future..

I'll not let the past to affect my emotion again..

I'll not let myself down anymore..

Sorry Astina because I cried yesterday..

I promise will never cry for stupid incidents anymore..

It's not worth at all for me to cry for a rubbish!!

miss miss missing him lotzz

Today is Sunday..
A sunny Sunday...
After last night..
I started to miss him more and more..Sigh~~
What can I do to overcome that feeling?
I really don't know what to do now la.
I don't wanna just become normal friend..
I don't even wanna lose such a good friend like him..
And the most important is..
I scared I'll regret of not expressing out my feelings..
And.. and the situation may change if I express out my feeling..
I don't want it to happen too..
Due to...
I have a friend.. which also consider as my good friend..
She.. too likes him..
I don't wanna lose this friendship because of this..
I don't wanna lose either one of them..
And I feel very happy to have a friend like her..
Even she likes him..
But she still encouraged me to not give up..
Very grateful to have a friend like you
Thanks for being such a good friend of mine!
You know who you are..

Happy Birthday Yong Sin~aka Ah Lang!

Yesterday was YS's birthday.
We just went for movie and nothing much had happened actually..
I feel bad for him..
Due to all others birthday, I planned much of surprise celebration for them.
But not for him.
His was just like normal we just out for movie and lunch is Pastamania ( which the cooks were suckie)
I felt so bad and unfair to him.
And the foods makes me even feel worse..
Its his birthday and yet we brought him to such a bad place to had our lunch..
So I decided to buy him a present to recover back all the things which I have not done for him..
We watched House Bunny..
I was kind of into the movie, though all of them not enjoying that much as I did..
Especially LYH and YS.. But watching big boobs sure entertained him a bit i guessed..LOL
After the movie, we went to popular, finding for diskette for IT tutorial class..
Then they all headed home since then..
And left me,YS and HL..
We walked the whole Gurney just to find for pencil box.. And yet we failed.
Awhile after that, YS went home also..
Left us..
Then we went to shop for gifts for YS..
At last I found a blouse which was quite nice and suitable for him..(consider if he dare to wear it la)
Not too cheap, and not to expensive though ( i guess not T.T)
And I bought it..
But I was kind of scared that he'll not like it..
But he said he likes it just now..
LOL. So I guess I don't need to worry much anymore..
And he told me that my gift was the 1st, and the last and the only gift that he received for this year's birthday.. ( I guess I shall be proud of? or grateful?LOL )
And certainly he'll like the gift..
Just now he said he was surprised because he saw a SUB blouse and knew it was not a cheap clothes already ( duh!!)
And feel like laughing because I bought XL ( he thought it might certainly be too big for him )
And was scared because the XL only as big as his M sized clothes..LOL ( it means fits him much )
And he asked was it a kid's sized clothes..ZZZ
Certainly NOT!!
LOLLLZZZ

24th October 2005

Days had passed and I started to miss you more and more,
Days had gone but I still hold on to the past,
Days had come where our journeys started here,
But we are still left apart while we celebrated our anniversary separately.

Keep holding to the relationship that we've gone through together,
Never let go easily,
Keep believing ourselves that the passion in our life are eternity,
Never let go easily,
Keep thrusting each other when there's problems occur between us,
Never let go easily,
Keep facing the truth that we're gonna gone through the path of life together till the end of life,
Never let go easily,
keep the promise between us,
That's the most valuable treasure that a couple would have.

24th October 2005,
Was the date we started to pass our journey together,
Was the date we started to cherish for each other,
Was the date that shall not be forgotten by us,
Was the date which I'll never forget,
Was the date which I started to love you more and more,
Was the date which I told myself I'll give my life to you no matter what.

24th October 2008,
Now, It was suppose to be a very happy anniversary for us to celebrate,
With happiness and full of gratefulness to God,
But, some how we were not meant for each other anymore,
The days that we've apart from each other,
17th March 2008,
Was the most terrible day which I had gone through since I was born,
The tears that comes out from my eyes represents the quantity of love from me to him.

12th October 2008,
Another 13 days to our big day,
And our relationship are just friends,
And not couple,
How I wish the time can go back to the past,
Or someone invented a time machine,
For us to go back to the past,
And start all over again.

I thought I could made it~but I can't

I thought I could just forget you so easily when the day you left me for that girl..
I thought I could brave enough to leave you with no doubts and sadness..
I thought I could not love you anymore after I was hurt by you again and again..
I thought I could never look back and think of you anymore..
I thought I could just give up this relationship and you..
I thought I could just pick some other guy to replace you in my heart..
I thought I could just erase the memories I am with you for the past 3 years..
I thought I could forget you already after I had deleted all the messages which you sent to me..
Everything also I thought I could~
But I was totally wrong..
I could not forget you easily ever since you left me..
I am not brave enough to leave you without sadness..
I could not stop loving you even though I was hurt again and again..
I looked back and think how wonderful life was when I was with you..
I could not just give up you and also this amazing relationship..
I could not find anyone to replace you in my heart..
I could not forget how wonderful life was when I was with you for the past 3 years..
I could not even forget a bit about you even though I had already deleted all the messages which you sent to me..
That's the mistakes which I have made..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YI HOONG~

Wow~

I can't believe today turned up to be such a great and meaningful day for all of us..

that's Yi Hoong's Birthday..

We celebrated a surprise Birthday for her..

At first we just went to gurney for a movie..

That was nothing special..

But she does not know that yesterday I and Siow Hoay went to Gurney to shop for her surprise birthday gifts..

We decided to buy a photo frame and put our group photos on it..

Then we went to Kuang Yee's photoshop to wash a 5R sized photo..

Suddenly I think of buying a cake for her..

Then we went to cake history to reserve a cake for today..

And we went to EX shop to buy her a new wallet as a gift..

We even wrapped the gift with a very nice box which was bought in S&J

Our surprise started when we are in the steamboat near the UMNO building 1..

We let the workers over that shop to keep our cake first so that it would be a surprise later

Then i started to give her the 1st present which was actually just a pranked..

I put 2packets of tissues inside the EX wallet box..

And when she receive,she was kind of excited..

I guessed she was abit of dissapointed when when open up because there were just two packets of tissues..LOL

But somehow she still looked happy and laugh alot..

Then later on while eating half way..

I brought out the 2nd gift..

That was a box which contains all the gifts..

her face expression was like..abit 'jaga-jaga'

Then when she open up..she kept laughing non stop because tat photo she always also said got something wrong 1..

I don't know is the photo something wrong or she got something wrong..WAHAHHA

But somehow she looked really very cheerful just now..And i'm glad she's happy and never regret on giving us her whole day..

LOL..

Till the last surprise..I and Siow Hoay went to take "dessert" which was mean her Birthday Cake..

Then the worker over there were so generous that she even help us to put Birthday Song while we take the cake towards our table..

Everyone was looking at us and also cheering gracefully for Yi Hoong..

Somehow,There are some funny stuff happened on that time..

because there is other people who was celebrating Birthday too..

And they thought the birthday song were meant for them..

And they started to cheer untill they saw me holding a cake and walking towards our table..

And suddenly they kept quite..wahaha~~
Somehow Yi Hoong was so surprised..wahaha

Anyway..If she's happy..so do I..

Happy Birthday to YI HOONG again..

You are old already now..

Must be a good person yea..lol~~

RAIN~

You know what had happened just now?
Due to had already been few days have not log in to my blog..
I've forgotten which e-mail I used..hahhaa
No wonder always can't log in..
These few days I only kept playing PS2
play eye toy until my hand's muscle also cramped already..hahaha
Now it has been raining since yesterday non stop..
Keep raining and raining and raining non stop only..
Wanna go anywhere also can't..
So bored...
Don't know what to do now..So I update my blog lo..
I don't really have much to write also..
But these few days I really feel very happy..
Last night, my supper was Mc. Donalds
Rain so heavily and yet I can still go MCD to buy supper
My uncle spent rm70+ to buy us MCDs'..
All of us also eat large set..hahaha
Since wake up until now I heard the sounds of rains..
Not very peaceful..
But yet it's kind of nice if it was just a small rain..
The sound would be different if that happen.
I think the whole Penang will be flooded very soon..
Or maybe it has already happen..
feel like going out..
But I have nowhere to go now..

Hmm...
It's been awhile since i never update blog..
i mean 2days..lol
Because I'm lazy..LOL
Later will be going to Thaiping..
He's on his way to KL now..
Actually I don;t have much things to talk about now..
Because I'm rushing to go out now..LOL

23rd but all about 22nd and 21st

Today is 23rd September 2008
2days ago I've bought a new hand phones(which is the same model like the past 1 but different color), new watch(white in colored 1),also 300gms of BAK KUA(it means pork mince)
Now holiday I got nothing else to do other than eating and eating and eating only..
After sem break sure I'm gonna become a brand new (fat) Astina.. LOL
But he says I'll not become fat 1 because I'm thin..
I said I can.. Then he said " then you eat let me see loh "
You know what I replied?? such a lousy answer..
I said " if I become fat then no 1 wants me is it you want me? "
ZZZ... And yet he don't understand my meaning..
Ok talk about yesterday..
Nothing much to talk about basically..
Because I did not went out..
Ohya I did..
I went to a clinic for a blood test regarding the hepatitis B 1.
Every 5 years I need to have 3 injection within a year and mine was like over due date already
I was suppose to take those 3 japs last year but due to I was having SPM examinations that year and my mum scared i'll feel pain while writing..
So we decided to post pone it until this year.
And yeah..That's really hurt..
And now I not yet even get the 1st jap and I've already feel scared..
It was just a blood test before the japs..
Yesterday LLK messaged me and we have a very sweet talk..
Hmm..Will he be my next bf??
LOL...God's decision..not ours..
And last night I sent a message to him but he no reply..(saddie)
Anyhow..I'm still grateful for what I've got last two days(his masterpieces -photos)

~barbecue~

So tired today..
I slept the whole day..
Then went to barbecue but I went late..
So people going to keep soon..haha
Then we went to mamak stall eat lor..
HL said my friend wanna give me a surprise saying that he likes me or whatever because he brought me out with his families..
but it was kind of disappointed because nothing had happened actually..lol
But it was in my expectation because I knew he doesn't like me and my feelings to him are also as a friend only..
I still love him more~heh
he wants a 3-storey house..
some more must got a guard house 1..LOLZZ
For me..I just only need a small house with a good husband which loves me more than anyone else..That'll be great enough for me..wink~
It's great when I think back of being a failure in a relationship during the past..
I've learned a lot of lessons..
Now I'm good enough to be single..
I thought that I'll surely can't live without him..
Sorry WK~
I realize I can live better without you~
And also i realized that there are more people caring for me now compared to when I'm with you.
You gave me a lot of happiness but sadness and disappointments are even more..
I can't imagine a day with you again~
My feelings towards you are like writing on sands..
It had gone forever after you rub off the words..
You had changed my heart~
There's no more you inside my heart~
And I also feel weird..I changed because of him??lolxx..
I don't know also..But I know i like you~
Hmm...Good night..muakkzzz

HOLIDAYS~

Finally...
What I've been waiting for..had come!!
HOLIDAY~~~~
Yesterday right after finished exam...
Immediately we went out to our old place..Gurney
To watch movie.Death Race..A nice one..
And then I went for steamboat with my ex classmates...Miss Them lotzz..MUAKKSSS
And yeah..HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO NAT N CKY~~
And after today..I'll be having holidays for few days only i guess..
So..gotta appreciate it and do what ever I'm thinking of doing..hahah
Feel so good being with you~~
Your care..your passion..
Feel so calm when I'm with you..
You brought colors to my life~
But anyways...we are still friends...LOLZZ
And I don't hope much...Just friend is already enough~
I'm going for barbecue tonight
Well..last night steamboat and tonight barbecue~
Can't imagine how will I look like after the holiday..LOLX

Best Friend By Kiroro

Mou daijoubu shinpai nai to nakisou na watashi no soba de itsumo kawaranai egao de sasayaite kureta mada mada mada yareru yo datte itsu demo kagayaiteru toki ni wa isogisugite miushinau koto mo aru yo shikatanai zutto mimamotte iru karatte egao de itsumo no you ni dakishimeta anata no egao ni nando tasukerareta darou arigatou arigatou Best Friend
Konna ni takusan no shiawase kanjiru toki wa shunkan de koko ni iru subete no nakama kara saikou no purezento mada mada mada yareru yo datte itsu demo minna soba ni iru kitto ima koko de yari togerareru koto sonna koto mo chikara ni kawaru zutto mimamotte iru karatte egao de itsumo no you ni dakishimeta minna no egao ni nando tasukerareta darou arigatou arigatou Best Friend
Toki ni wa isogisugite miushinau koto mo aru yo shikatanai zutto mimamotte iru karatte egao de itsumo no you ni dakishimeta anata no egao ni nando tasukerareta darou arigatou arigatou Best Friend Zutto zutto zutto best friend Translation:
I don't have to worry anymore, cause you will be by my side when I cry You always smile at me I am blessed because you always shine before me Things that we have missed hastily at time, that's the way it is Faces that always being looked at Forever hugging each other Your smile has helped me endless time, you know Thank you thank you Best Friend These plenty happiness that I felt at this moment All the friends that I have here, you the best present I am blessed because you always be by our side Surely things that I have accomplished here, those things too give me strength (change to strength) Faces that always being looked at Forever hugging each other All of your smile has helped me endless time, you know Thank you thank you Best Friend Things that we have missed hastily at time, that's the way it is Faces that always being looked at Forever hugging each other Your smile has helped me endless time, you know Thank you thank you Best Friend Always always always my Best Friend

How Friendship suppose to be~~

wow~~I'm late for my post again..lolzz
Actually i don't plan to post any blog today..
But after reading one of my friend's blog..
I finally have some ideas to talk about in my post..
She said about accounts and how we helped her and all sorts of friends things..
Ya..That's my opinion..
As a friend..we need to give and take all the time..
Thanks for thanking us SH..hahaha..
I also appreciate the friendship between us~~
Talking about thanking,
I really want to thanks Lecture Khoo also..
Haha..YS you naik pangkat already..
You are our(girls) GOD now!!LOLZZ
He came all the way from BT.Maung to Greenlane just to teach all of his friends Accounts..
And yeah..We are DUMB!!We always ask questions..(luckily I don't ask that much due to I already have accounts basic)
But when I saw his face..I feel like laughing out..
He said to me..'Astina i wanna no energy already faster help me'
Hahaha..I thought GOD doesn't need help??LOLZZ
I only kidding la don't angry..hohoho~~
If got chance really need to treat you eat already..
Not just because of the Accounts..
But all the cutting song's stuff..
Really feel so malu to you lor..
If i know so ma fan then I'll not ask you to help already..
And my friend also very very leceh 1..haha~
Change this change that..fuyoo~~
I myself also feel pek chek but you some more not angry and never give up to help me..
Really feel so grateful to have a friend like you..
Thanks alot~~
Never mind next time if got this kind of things..
I don't dare to ask from your help already..
Because you are too good..
I don't wanna find so much problems for you..
Later you angry~~HAHAHA
But I know you're not small gas one..haha~~
Ohyaya..not only that..
He also thaught me a lot of things about cars, viruses and also musics..
Now only I know cars are so complicated and there are lots of cars which I've never seen before in my life..
And what kinds of viruses harmed my computer and so on.
Hahaha~~Before that I really don't know that R&B musics stands for rythm & blue(sad)
Know you really can know more things one.
Because your knowledge not only limited to studies..
Yours are widely knowlegeable.
And mine are just for studies..
Othe than that..I know nothing 1..hahaha~~
That's our ~F.R.I.E.N.D.S.H.I.P~
~Love you all lotzzz~

(This blog reminds me how to appreciates peoples help and also how friends are and should be)

FREE ADVERTISEMENT~~

Today i finally finished my BS paper already..

So long never update my blog,,,

No time at all!!

After finished HE paper, immediately is BS paper the next d ay..

Where got time to update blog??

Now I'm struggling with Accounting paper..

Our group gals planned to have a group discussion tomorrow..

But the problem is..

None of us are good in Accounts..hahaha

So we decided to ask YS golor..

But i scared he'll refuse to go..

Because his house are so far away from town..

Wanna come down also feel tired and moodless ler..

I understand one..

But i really need him to teach me lo..

He's very good in Accounts ma..

He's not only good in Accounts..

He's good in socializing(especially with girls)

Good in manners..

Good in joking..

Good in helping people..

Good in everything..

Talk to him feel very nice one oh..

So P.s:girls out there..If you're struggling to find a new BF..he'll be the best choice for YOU!!

lol..So do not hesitate anymore..later ferry go..the you'll just left sampan to sit..then don't cry oh

Hehe..wah!!i'm like promoting YS to people out there who are single..lolzz..

Free advertisement..YS you must thanks to me oh..heeee =)

This is a picture of him~~cute oh!!

I AM READY!!!

Hubungan Etnik!!
I am READY for your challenge!!
I burned mid night oil just to study this stupid subject..
I CANNOT fail!!
I MUST pass!!!
You are STUPID!!
I am INTELLIGENT!!
Intelligent people always can manage stupid things well..heh..
So, I sure will manage you well..
Don't worry..hehe..
Now it's 6.30am..
Some more 2 and a half hours to reach the exam time..
And I'm going to school at 7.45am..
I should be preparing to go to school now..
And yet, I feel SLEEPY already..
Hahaha.. Hmm...
What should i do now??
Go study some more??
Don't want already lar..
MEMORY STORAGE FULL
Can't go in anymore..swt..

LIFE~~

I'm awake in the middle of the night again.lolzz

For the stupid Hugbungan Etnik revision lor..
I miss him much~~~
Die dee lar....
Wahahahaha
Life sometimes is like that one..
When you love a person..
Does not mean that person will love you..
You love him/her and he/she love others..
Then when you don't love him/her,he/she will love you..
Life's like a fairy wheel..
It goes round and round and round..
When you first walk in to the wheel cage..
you are at the bottom..
Nothing goes right..
Bus somehow,things changed when the wheel reached the top..
It stops there for sometime..
And you'll be on the top of the world..
What you asked for will come to you..
What you've waited for so long will come to you also..
But don't forget,the wheel will starts to spin again..
And you'll not be at the top forever..
That's life..
I've been at the top of the world before..
I've been at the lowest part of the wheel before too..
And that's my life..
But I am grateful my fairy wheel never stop spinning..
Because it does not stuck on the bottom forever..=P

FREE DRINKS!!

Just now i went to my old working place,
Starbucks Borders.
Nurul gave me and all my
friends free drinks le..hahahahzz...
1st time i went to Queensbay spent rm2.30 nia..lolzzz..
"ALOT" right??hahaha..we use the free Wifi
and also free drinks and everthing free..
hahaha...i miss all of them soooo much!!
I know they miss me too ma..hahahaha..
because they told me they miss me 1..haha..
just now i received my tips money for last month..
how much you guess??
RM.0.40 le!!!like that also Nurul ask me come and take..
Very obvious she miss me la..
wanna see my face ma..hahaha
Just now i went there..all things also haven't change..
Just partners had changed lor..
they say cannot tahan with Akmal wor??
He so good le..Why partners can't tahan him wor?
maybe because they always repeat same mistakes which make him feel frustrated then scold them lor..
he never scold me before 1 wor..
because i'm a good partner ma..hahaha..(sendiri say sendiri siok)..
wahahahah =P
That's the time when my ss Nurul
pull shots..hehe~~

sot sot's note book

today...my firefox went wrong again..
can use..then cannot use..then can use again..hahaha
really need to send it to cpu hospital already..
at least for body check up..haha..
see..i'm talking nonsense again..zzz
drunk again..haha..my classmates all now busy talking about who'll become the next class representatives in my class next semester..lolzz..
i've elected crystal but she shoot me back wor..sobzz..hahaha..
because no one wants to be a class representatives in my class..
ma fan ma..hahaha...so many duties that need to be done..
like me this kind of people..will become a class representatives?? funny ah...hahaha
i only like to fool around with my friends...my own homeworks also hardly can be done already..
some more do part time free labor for the class ah??
haha..got pay then i want la..hahahaha..
only those who likes socializing likes to become a class representatives..
why not our class's GOD become the next class rep??
hahaha...who i meant by God i guess only my classmates knew it..
lolzz... kk..really need to go study already..
if not..Miss Chan will say 'ASTINA KAMU TUNGGU REPEAT NEXT YEAR 1ST SEMESTER,TAK MUNGKIN GAGAL HUBUNGAN ETNIK,KALAU GAGAL,1 SEBAB SAHAJA,IAITU MALAS BELAJAR' to me..hahaha..i can remember what she always say already..scary..byebye..

first blog in this blogger.com!

hello..astina is in the house..haha
trying to be a rapper but i know i failed to be 1 of them..
lolz..yah..this is my 1st blog in this website..
astina is my name(now and forever)
only 1 astina that is me..hahaha..
never mind i am drunk again..
talking nonsense again although there's no alcohol in my body at all.
so sick!!
in these few days..all i can talk about will be EXAMS!!
because there's nothing much i can talk about other than EXAMS!!
ohya..about him..hahaha
miss him lotzz...
but no point missing him because there's more people missing him too other than me..
but that's ok with me..
because i'll be happy if he's happy..
yah..i really mean it..
i'm not a person which if i like it..then i'll get it..
without thinking of others..i'm not ok?
haha..so lame..that's what lauyihoong always said..
hahaha..why are they exams in this world??
who created is??who's the creator of the EXAMS????!!!
so frustrated with the EXAMS lar!!haihz..
i wanna go out!!but can't because i'm sick now..
other than that..i still need to study and study and study!!(no wonder i'm crazy now..study overloaded..hahaha)
crap so much..how about telling all of you about my favourites??
yeah here we go...
sleeping is my life..
shopping is my passion..
hanging and fooling around is my hobby..
teasing my friends is a respect from me to them..
i love my parents..
i love my families..
i love my besties moii moii
i love my friends...
i love people who loves me which i did not mention it just now..
i love whoever which does not hate me..
i does not hate whoever which hated me too..
i only hate people which backstabbed me and also trying to backstab me..
i hate liars!!
Noti hate pretenders!!
back off please!!
most of all...i LOVE ASTINA HO MAY CHIET a.k.a myself lor..haha..thanks for knowing more about me..but please don't judge me by just knowing so little about me..you don't have the right..
i'm a very clumsy and yet stupid girl..
i always lied by peoples..
haih..ok..stop here..bye peepzz