new year new astina

so long have not been updating my blog.
was kind of busy these days.
new year is here.
new resolution too.
i wanna be a good and hard working student from now on.
oh ya..
and of course, becoming a good girl friend is one of the MUST too
because I've found a good boy friend.
so i will try my best to suit him by becoming a good girl friend too
he's the one for me now.
4 more days to my final exam again.
i think I'll not be as lucky as i did in the past exam.
passed all subjects.
this time is 10X tougher than before.
and i am 10X lazier than before too
what can i do to cure my laziness?
if i still continue to become a lazy person.
i bet I'll not graduate in year 2010 1.
once i open my book.
I'll start to yawn and feel sleepy.
what kind of stupid disease is this??!
why am i so hate books?
why am i so lazy?
what kind of human am i?
i can't be called as a human for now
should be known as a lazy worm
damn~~

done with my feelings~

I'm done..

No more looking back..

I've deleted your msn, friendster, contact number, and also.

Your image in my mind.

I'll not think back of it again..

I don't deserve all these..

I'm sick of thinking all these..

I'm only a normal girl..

I can't lie to myself that I'm not sad at all..

I do..

Just the matter that..

I need to let go all one day..

And I'll choose to let go now..

Than bringing it to the future..

It will just make me more suffer and pain..

I don't wanna carry this burden with me anymore..

I knew I will break down surely..

But it's ok..

Everyone does break down..

But I know I will stand up again..

I surely will..

For the sake of myself..

I need to be strong..

I can't be like who was I in the past anymore..

Break down easily..

I'll need to be stronger now..

No one can I rely on now..

I'll just need to believe in myself and rely on my own..

I believe I will surely stand up by myself one day..

new start of my life~

I cried last night..

For something which I feel is stupid and are not worth for me to cried for..

I knew that..

But I still cry..

Was that mean.. I am stupid?

Cry for something which I knew was not worth for..

I tried not to think about it again..

But this tragedy kept appear in my mind..

It makes me can't stop thinking..

Maybe it was my fault..

Like he said..

I was the person who made him changed..

My fault..

Now not the problem of whatever..

Just the matter that I can't forget..

How hard I tried..

He's still in my mind.

I tried since this March..

I tried to use lots of ideas just to forget..

But in the end..

I failed..

And yah..

You told me you was not going to forget either..

But you did now..

I knew I does not care anymore..

just the I can't accept the fact that you will just forget a thing in just few days after you said will never forget..

And know is the best time for me to let go of everything..

Maybe it's good for me to let go..

I'll not carry this burden with me all the way to the future anymore..

Hooray..

Let go of everything!

Study study study!!

I will surely forget it one day..

I'll not let the past to control my future..

I'll not let the past to affect my emotion again..

I'll not let myself down anymore..

Sorry Astina because I cried yesterday..

I promise will never cry for stupid incidents anymore..

It's not worth at all for me to cry for a rubbish!!

miss miss missing him lotzz

Today is Sunday..
A sunny Sunday...
After last night..
I started to miss him more and more..Sigh~~
What can I do to overcome that feeling?
I really don't know what to do now la.
I don't wanna just become normal friend..
I don't even wanna lose such a good friend like him..
And the most important is..
I scared I'll regret of not expressing out my feelings..
And.. and the situation may change if I express out my feeling..
I don't want it to happen too..
Due to...
I have a friend.. which also consider as my good friend..
She.. too likes him..
I don't wanna lose this friendship because of this..
I don't wanna lose either one of them..
And I feel very happy to have a friend like her..
Even she likes him..
But she still encouraged me to not give up..
Very grateful to have a friend like you
Thanks for being such a good friend of mine!
You know who you are..

Happy Birthday Yong Sin~aka Ah Lang!

Yesterday was YS's birthday.
We just went for movie and nothing much had happened actually..
I feel bad for him..
Due to all others birthday, I planned much of surprise celebration for them.
But not for him.
His was just like normal we just out for movie and lunch is Pastamania ( which the cooks were suckie)
I felt so bad and unfair to him.
And the foods makes me even feel worse..
Its his birthday and yet we brought him to such a bad place to had our lunch..
So I decided to buy him a present to recover back all the things which I have not done for him..
We watched House Bunny..
I was kind of into the movie, though all of them not enjoying that much as I did..
Especially LYH and YS.. But watching big boobs sure entertained him a bit i guessed..LOL
After the movie, we went to popular, finding for diskette for IT tutorial class..
Then they all headed home since then..
And left me,YS and HL..
We walked the whole Gurney just to find for pencil box.. And yet we failed.
Awhile after that, YS went home also..
Left us..
Then we went to shop for gifts for YS..
At last I found a blouse which was quite nice and suitable for him..(consider if he dare to wear it la)
Not too cheap, and not to expensive though ( i guess not T.T)
And I bought it..
But I was kind of scared that he'll not like it..
But he said he likes it just now..
LOL. So I guess I don't need to worry much anymore..
And he told me that my gift was the 1st, and the last and the only gift that he received for this year's birthday.. ( I guess I shall be proud of? or grateful?LOL )
And certainly he'll like the gift..
Just now he said he was surprised because he saw a SUB blouse and knew it was not a cheap clothes already ( duh!!)
And feel like laughing because I bought XL ( he thought it might certainly be too big for him )
And was scared because the XL only as big as his M sized clothes..LOL ( it means fits him much )
And he asked was it a kid's sized clothes..ZZZ
Certainly NOT!!
LOLLLZZZ

24th October 2005

Days had passed and I started to miss you more and more,
Days had gone but I still hold on to the past,
Days had come where our journeys started here,
But we are still left apart while we celebrated our anniversary separately.

Keep holding to the relationship that we've gone through together,
Never let go easily,
Keep believing ourselves that the passion in our life are eternity,
Never let go easily,
Keep thrusting each other when there's problems occur between us,
Never let go easily,
Keep facing the truth that we're gonna gone through the path of life together till the end of life,
Never let go easily,
keep the promise between us,
That's the most valuable treasure that a couple would have.

24th October 2005,
Was the date we started to pass our journey together,
Was the date we started to cherish for each other,
Was the date that shall not be forgotten by us,
Was the date which I'll never forget,
Was the date which I started to love you more and more,
Was the date which I told myself I'll give my life to you no matter what.

24th October 2008,
Now, It was suppose to be a very happy anniversary for us to celebrate,
With happiness and full of gratefulness to God,
But, some how we were not meant for each other anymore,
The days that we've apart from each other,
17th March 2008,
Was the most terrible day which I had gone through since I was born,
The tears that comes out from my eyes represents the quantity of love from me to him.

12th October 2008,
Another 13 days to our big day,
And our relationship are just friends,
And not couple,
How I wish the time can go back to the past,
Or someone invented a time machine,
For us to go back to the past,
And start all over again.

I thought I could made it~but I can't

I thought I could just forget you so easily when the day you left me for that girl..
I thought I could brave enough to leave you with no doubts and sadness..
I thought I could not love you anymore after I was hurt by you again and again..
I thought I could never look back and think of you anymore..
I thought I could just give up this relationship and you..
I thought I could just pick some other guy to replace you in my heart..
I thought I could just erase the memories I am with you for the past 3 years..
I thought I could forget you already after I had deleted all the messages which you sent to me..
Everything also I thought I could~
But I was totally wrong..
I could not forget you easily ever since you left me..
I am not brave enough to leave you without sadness..
I could not stop loving you even though I was hurt again and again..
I looked back and think how wonderful life was when I was with you..
I could not just give up you and also this amazing relationship..
I could not find anyone to replace you in my heart..
I could not forget how wonderful life was when I was with you for the past 3 years..
I could not even forget a bit about you even though I had already deleted all the messages which you sent to me..
That's the mistakes which I have made..